The Comparison Trap #2

Self-Confidence Tips #2

The quickest way to plummet your own self-esteem and self-confidence is to compare yourself to others.

Recognise that everyone is different, we are all on different stages of our journey’s, and every person’s life has value. Remember that every single person is doing the best they can with the knowledge, awareness, conditioning and experience they have right now.

When you compare yourself to others, and judge others, you have no time to love yourself or them.

When we judge, we are highlighting our own insecurities and fears. Have you ever heard of the quote,

“Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and small minds discuss people.”

~ Eleanor Roosevelt.

Although I don’t agree with this quote completely, as I think it is important to discuss events, I do agree with ‘small minds discuss people’. Gossiping. Rumours. Judging. Hearsay. Negativity. You get the gist?

And trying to dim someone else’s light will never make yours shine any brighter. It will never give you more self-belief or self-confidence.

So how do we get out of the comparison trap?

Next time you go to judge someone, say to yourself “I love and approve of myself”. This way you are giving the person you are about to judge, and giving yourself, permission to be ourselves. This fosters our own self-confidence and self-belief.

We can concentrate on our own unique special and individual qualities. We can remind ourselves of what we are good at, and what positive attributes we have in our character and our personality. This could be hobbies, things we love doing, our ability to make others feel good about themselves, or our caring natures ……  there are too many to list, and only you will know what yours are. Everyone has special qualities that make them unique and valuable as a person.

We can also let go of outcomes and not take life so seriously. Lighten up a bit, and remember everyone’s journey is individual, and that we are exactly where we are meant to be in our lives right now, and embrace that. Set goals if you need to give yourself achievements to work towards, they don’t need to be huge, just little goals that you can tick off your list every day that will help you to increase your own self-confidence.

The trick is, the more we love and approve of ourselves, the more love and acceptance we show our-self and others. The more we believe in ourselves, the less time we have to worry and bitch about what others are doing with their own lives. The more we love and approve of ourselves, the happier we will feel within ourselves and the happier our lives will be.

I wish you all an abundance of self-confidence and self-love,

Love Alison, Confidently Introverted xx

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Boost Your Self-Confidence #1

From my perspective and from my own experience, Self-Confidence is the ability to believe in your unique individual qualities and your own judgment. It’s about believing in yourself, and it’s about standing firm in your own convictions, values and beliefs. It’s about knowing what is best for you, and it’s about loving and approving of yourself, perceived imperfections and all. It’s about owning your decisions and choices, and taking responsibility for your life. Self-confidence is knowing that you are enough, exactly as you are right now, and that you are worthy of good things. Self-confidence is respecting yourself, and believing you are worthy of respect.

Self-confidence is also owning mistakes and learning from them, so that when you know better, you can do better. Self-confidence is a continuous journey, because as we grow older, we want more for ourselves, and our beliefs and views change, our body changes, and with these changes it sometimes brings self-confidence conflict. Sometimes there are events or circumstances that make us question ourselves and our self-belief.

We all want to have high self-confidence; and we all want to feel good about ourselves.

That’s why I’ve decided to give you tips to increase your self-confidence from my perspective. Because I have that lived experience, I’ve lived with no self-confidence in the past, so I reckon my perspective is pretty damn valuable having lived it for myself.

Over the coming weeks, I’m going to give you tips that can help you to increase your self-confidence.

 Tip #1 –

How to increase your self-confidence … read on loveliness, here we go ….

Talk to yourself positively. It is that simple.

Every morning when you wake up, the first thing you think, the first thing you say to yourself before you allow your thoughts to run wild about all the things that you have to do that day, such as thoughts about work, your children, your partner, your worries …….

The first thing you are going to say to yourself, immediately as you wake up is –

“I LOVE AND APPROVE OF MYSELF.”

And you are going to repeat this throughout the day to yourself. In any difficult challenges, or mistakes you may make that day, when you feel like berating yourself, you are going to say, “I love and approve of myself”

No negative self-talk.

Positive self-talk is the first step to increasing our self-belief, by telling ourselves that we believe in ourselves. This is conditioning our thoughts, and with repetition, if we don’t believe it, we can start to believe it, and increase our self-belief. Changing our thoughts from negative to positive is one of the most impactful ways to start changing our life, our thoughts, and our self-confidence for the better.

When you go to sleep tonight, repeat the affirmation, “I love and approve of myself” three times, and do this morning and night for as long as you remember to do it. You can even put a sticky note somewhere where you will see it daily, like on your bathroom mirror.

This strategy worked for me. It sowed a thought seed in my mind, that helped me to change my beliefs about myself. It can work for you too. I believe in your ability to increase your self-confidence using this technique.

I wish you all an abundance of self-confidence and self-love,

Love Alison, Confidently Introverted xx

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Unless you have been painfully shy, you will never understand how hard it is to say “Hello” first.

When I was younger, I was so shy, I found it even hard to say ‘hello’ to people. I always waited for someone else to say ‘hello’ first. Even at the checkout in the supermarket, I always waited for the cashier to speak to me first. Unless you’ve been painfully shy, you really don’t understand how hard it is, for shy people to speak up and take the lead and initiate a conversation. There are people that have judged me in my life and assumed what my self-worth would be, because I’ve been termed ‘pretty’ and weight issues were never really a problem for me. Unfortunately so many people think that these factors relate to self-worth. Well I’m here to tell you, from my experience, it doesn’t matter how others see you or how you outwardly see yourself, self worth comes from within and anyone can experience shyness, anxiety and self-worth issues. 

I was especially quiet and shy in group situations with people I did not know well, and the anxiety that gripped me if I even had to announce my name was overwhelming. On the scale of shyness, I was off the scale! People have even assumed that I was a snob because I never spoke much, not understanding that I didn’t speak because I had no self-worth, self-esteem and I always felt that my opinions, thoughts and perspectives would be judged and termed wrong if they were different to others. It took me a long time to understand that different does not mean wrong. It took me a long time to realise that my thoughts, feelings, perspectives and opinions are just as valid and are just as important as anyone else’s. 

In my experience, overcoming shyness is a lot about learning to like and accept yourself exactly as you are, and believing in yourself. it’s about learning to speak up and it means recognising your thoughts, opinions, perspectives and feelings are just as important as anyone else’s. It means starting to take those little steps every day to speak up. Say ‘hello’ to someone else first, initiate a conversation with a stranger and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. It means recognising you’re equal to other people. And to treat yourself, like you would treat your best friend. We all have different strengths, unique qualities, and everyone has a story! A lot of people are actually very surprised when they take the time to listen to someone else’s story, and understand that person’s experiences and background.

So, Speak up and let your voice be heard, even if it’s so very hard to do so, even if your voice shakes, and even if you can just manage to speak a few words or even just one word to start off. It gets easier with time.

I learnt how to speak up, but I am in no way ready to do a key note public speaking gig in front of a 1000 people, and I still have degrees of anxiety in some situations. It’s not an easy road, but to understand the progress I have made, we need to take a look back into the past, and my experience was that I never spoke in a group situation if I didn’t have to, I stayed home in high school every time I was supposed to do a presentation in class, I never spoke in class unless I was forced to, and if the teacher directly asked me a question I would say ‘I don’t know’ even if I knew the answer, and sometimes I became so physically sick at family parties when I was kid, my Mum would have to bring me home. I was riddled with insecurities and I felt inferior to others all the time, and I was manipulated and taken advantage of by other people all of time. I was made to feel shame and guilt instead of being given love, support, compassion and understanding. I needed alcohol and a copious amount of it at that, to be able to socialise as an adult with other people in public situations and it was my confidence crutch back then, so as you can see I have come a long long way, and considering I didn’t start my self-love and self-confidence journey until around 10 years ago, I am extremely proud of where I am at. A friend of mine calls me the chasm jumper in the self-growth stakes.

I was around 39 years of age, when I ended my marriage, and I decided I wanted to be done with the shyness and social anxiety. Some of the steps I have taken in the past 10 years is, participating in presentation classes in public speaking, I joined Toastmasters for a very short time, I started writing, I learnt meditation and I joined meditation groups, I found good role models, I did workshops and classes learning about self love and spirituality, I took classes and workshops in activities that I’d always wanted to try, I started new hobbies, I undertook professional training and development, I did a few one on one coaching sessions, and I read a lot of self help books, to give you and understanding of how much investment it has taken to get me to where I am, and by doing so I learnt to love and approve of myself, faults and all. To be in the place I am today, and to feel the way I do, it has all been more than worth it.

It’s a journey, but the self-growth game is worth it.

I’ve also been through very challenging personal experiences, including surviving breast cancer and living through the horrific 2009 Black Saturday Bushfires, to name a couple, and these experiences changed my whole outlook and perspective on life. I am still working on myself, and I feel like it’s a lifelong journey.

My biggest goal is to become that motivational speaker who is ready to speak in front of those 1000 people.

If you’re reading this and you ‘get it’, my heart goes out to you. I want you to know that reducing social anxiety and shyness gets easier with practice, and you can learn to love yourself and believe in yourself, but results don’t happen overnight. It’s a journey where you decide to keep taking steps to reduce and overcome it, and you don’t give up. I want to tell you that if you resonate with what I am expressing, I believe in you and I know that you can find the courage to reduce and overcome your shyness and social anxiety too. 

If I can do it, so can you. xx

First published 17/12/2018. Updated 30/07/2021

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Tarot Tuesday

Hello Everyone!!

From today I’ll be doing a regular Tarot Tuesday on my Facebook page. (EDIT – Tarot Tuesday will now be run on my Tarot Readings with AlisonLouise Facebook Page Tarot Readings With AlisonLouise | Facebook) No-one is obliged to participate if they don’t want to, just keep on scrolling in your news feed if it’s not your thing. For those that wish to participate and receive an individual card with an intuitive message, all you need to do is pop your name in the comment section of the post, and I’ll intuitively draw you a card from one of my Tarot/Oracle decks, take a photo of it and post it under your comment. It’s free, absolutely free, and I’m not trying to sell you anything!!! The only stipulation I have is that you must be supporting me by following my page.

Here’s a little bit more information about intuitive card messages.

The cards I draw for you are not predictive, they usually provide you with some intuitive guidance around what you might need to know in the current moment. They are normally a positive message to encourage you, motivate you, or ask you to reflect on your current circumstances or feelings. The card message often gives you a little bit more insight, or confirmation about what you already know or you may need a reminder about. Sometimes it’s a bit of a push to act on what you know you should be doing, or changing. *But please always remember to use your own self discretion with any intuitive message you receive, and never use the message in place of advice from a qualified professional. If it doesn’t resonate at all, don’t try to make it fit.

Why I love and use Oracle/Tarot cards?

Oracle/Tarot cards have been a big part of my life since around 2011 when I started exploring the metaphysical world. I’ve attended many classes, workshops and groups over the years, exploring and learning more about cards, energy healing and developing my intuition. In some of my darkest days, my cards were a friend to me, I relied on them to keep me positive with positive messages. They provided me with insight, clarification and guidance that would help to give me hope, inspiration and motivation to keep moving forward.

What I think about intuition?

I have learnt to trust my intuition, and my intuition has also been my friend, sometimes warning me about situations where I have needed to be on guard at times. My intuition sometimes gives me good a feeling about certain things, and a good feeling that a choice or something is going to be good or work out for me. Everyone has some degree of intuition. Have you ever made choices or decisions in the past and then something happens differently and you say to yourself, I knew it, I knew I should have done A, instead of B, I knew it. That’s usually your intuition, and when we go against it, we look back and say I knew it!! But I also suggest that if you have high anxiety it is hard to listen to your intuition, and work out what is intuition and what is anxiety. And I also always recommend that you use logical thinking when making decisions and choices.

“Intuition is seeing with the soul”

~ Dean Koontz

What is my favourite Oracle Deck?

I have around 46 Oracle/Tarot card decks, and they all serve different purposes. My current favourite deck would have to be Angel Wisdom by Radleigh Valentine.

For those of you who are not familiar with Oracle/Tarot cards I hope you have enjoyed reading about them, and learning about how I use them.

Thanks for all your likes, comments, shares, and follows, I appreciate your support.

Edited 31/07/2021

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*See disclaimer.

Why I want You to tell your stories!!

As the elevator doors closed, I pushed the button for the 8th floor, and suddenly the elevator jerked as it started to lift, and it felt like it fell about a half a foot. I looked at the lady standing next to me, and as I pushed the button to reopen the doors, I said “I don’t know about you, but I’m getting out of here and taking a different lift”. As I stepped out, I realised that I was right, the elevator floor did not line up with the floor into the building now, it was sitting just below floor level.

I stepped into another one of the three elevators and rode this one smoothly up to the 8th floor. As I passed the reception desk, I reported my experience to the nurse on duty, and then continued walking into my Dad’s room and as he lay on his bed, I mentioned to him how scared I was and how the elevator had just malfunctioned.

And that brought up a conversation we had never had before.

He told me years ago, when he was a lot younger, he had been at work, and they were shifting boxes from his workplace and they were stacking them in the elevator to take them to the ground floor. The boxes were piled high to the ceiling, heavy boxes, and there was only room for himself and one of his workmates to fit in to take them down to the ground floor. As his elevator started descending the weight of the boxes caused it to plummet and start freefalling to the ground, by the look in his eyes while he was speaking I could tell that he had been terrified, and he said that the only reason they did not plummet to the ground was because steel had heated up and warped from the heat generated from it falling, and it caused the elevator to slow back down and most likely saved their lives.

Now I don’t know the ins and outs of this story, my Dad didn’t go into the finer details, and my Dad is now no longer alive to ask him.

But the point of my blog is, if we don’t tell our stories, if we don’t share our experiences with our friends and our families, our stories die with us.

I’ve lost both my parents, and I wish that I had of talked to them about their lives more. I wish my Dad was able to find the words to convey his feelings more and I wish I had of asked and prompted him more to share his wealth of knowledge, his stories and his experiences that he contained within himself. I wish he had of spoken up more about his life than what was going on in the news. I wish in his later years, he had of been able to hear my voice better, even with his hearing aids he found it incredibly difficult to hear my voice, and I wish I could have had more conversations with him, better conversations. I wish I knew more about our family history, stories from our family history.

As a mother myself now, I feel it is import for me to share this message with you today, to remind you to share your stories and your experiences with your friends, with your family, with your children, with your nieces, with your nephews, with your aunts, with your uncles, with your grandchildren.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” 

~ Maya Angelou

Talk, share, converse. Don’t let your stories die with you. Practice finding your words, and the words to express your feelings and emotions if this is hard for you. It’s never too soon or too late to start talking. It’s never too soon or too late to share a legacy of cherished stories that a loved one will one day look back on and remember fondly in the future. It’s never too soon to put an end to what might become regrets, and it’s never too soon or too late to prevent someone else in the future saying “I wish ……….”

Cherished Dad and Al Selfies 🙂

My Dad 23/07/1926 – 03/10/2019

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Who am I?, and why am I blogging?

My name is Alison. And I’m blogging because I have been through hell in my life, and it taught me how to be resilient, courageous, and tenacious. It taught me how to be grateful, how to be happier, and what really matters in life. It showed me how to learn to love myself, and accept who I am flaws and all. It taught me self-belief, and how to have my own back, to stand up for myself, to stop being afraid of people and what they think of me.

And I’m blogging because I think that people just might find my life stories interesting, a little inspiring, and the wisdom I can share could make a difference in their life, in your life, if you give me a chance to show you, what I have been through, what I have endured, and how I have coped.

What I know for sure is,

If you’re going through hell, keep going!

~ Winston Churchill

Keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how hard it is.

No matter how hard it gets, know that you can do it,

Never give up.

Find one thing to be grateful for every day, just one thing is enough, even if it’s just a hug from a friend, or a text message from someone that cares.

You’ve got this.

Every new day is a new chance to start again, a new day of hope.

Welcome to my blog, hold onto your hats, this ride is gonna get rocky!

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